out of the burrow

we are very into imaginative play here.  and some days, oliver’s favorite game is to snuggle under the covers and “be in a burrow.”  we are bunnies who like to eat carrots and lettuce and who hide from the fox (usually, i play the fox while eliza and ollie are hiding in the burrow).  any way you play it, though, we are snuggled in and very mellow and not much else is going on around us.

this game is a good metaphor for our winter.

but now that the spring is here and we have some more air and space and light in our days, now that everyone (read: eliza) is feeling better, i find myself needing a little more to do!  i know that’s a ridiculous thing to say, a mama who is mere days (weeks?!) away from adding another baby to her brood! but, the other night, i went so far as to tell eliza that i was bored!

of all the good suggestions she had, writing seemed like one that might be the best idea for right now.  it’s something i can do as much or as little of as i’d like, but not something that feels like a chore (my complaint about many of her ideas) or that feels like i can’t pick up/ put down/ spend time & money on (making art, running, learning to swim).

i’m eager to get back to blogging and eager to find myself in the community again.  when i was ttc & pregnant with O and blogging so much, it was an amazing community.  i hope to get back into it all here- and i’m glad you are along for the ride.

-julia

Ramen, ramen, I love you.*

Eliza is ten and a half weeks pregnant today.  This feels simultaneously like nothing…and like so so far along. 

I carried our first baby and had a rough go of it.  I was sick from early on, into the third trimester.  I was constantly nauseous.  I started puking at ten weeks and didn’t stop, multiple times a day, for many many (many many) weeks.  It was an incredibly hard time. 

I will say, though, that it was also an amazing time of growth in our relationship.  Always a generous and incredibly loving and supportive wife, Eliza’s approach and ability to anticipate my needs completely kicked in.  We went from a relationship where I was the caregiver (simplification), to a complete switch in roles.  It wasn’t always easy or painless to manage this shift, but I absolutely think it’s the reason why our transition to parenthood was so seamless and enjoyable. I know so many couples who struggle so intensely after becoming new parents.  We just haven’t had that.

Anyways, in those early days of my pregnancy, the way that Eliza first showed this new talent was finding me things to eat.  Very, very little appealed to me.  Exceptions included:  clementines, apples, G@tor@de, potato chips (K3ttle Chips, lightly salted or sour cream and onion, obviously).  She’d make me these elaborate small bowls of tiny toast and tiny slices of things.  It was amusing and sweet.  It appealed to my aesthetic sensibilities, as well as my poor body’s lack of enthusiasm.  Occasionally, I’d have a crazy craving: Indian! Falafel! Noodles! Chocolate Milk!  She’d rush right out and get anything.  Always without comment or judgement.  It felt amazing. (And so good to finally EAT something!)

—

So, late this afternoon, as I left our local Ramen shop, after having placed THE MOST RIDICULOUS ORDER EVER, I had to smile and feel incredibly good to be here.  Ten weeks, vomit, and a whole lot of love. 

*Ramen, ramen, dream come true!

Shine on harvest moon

I was initially going to forgo beta testing.  Seeing as I’m a midwife and believe in low intervention and all that.  But then I continued to have no symptoms whatsoever, and so on Monday I broke down and went in for a beta.  At 17dpo, my beta was a healthy 464 and then doubled beautifully to 1083 two days later.  So despite my apparent lack of symptoms, I seem most definitely to be pregnant.

If pressed, I would respond that my most significant pregnancy symptom so far seems to be a deep love of squash.  Luckily it’s October, and the squash are so abundant and gorgeous in all their farmer’s market glory that I don’t know how anyone (pregnant or otherwise) manages to resist them.  I am eating two to three squash a day (I am not known for doing things in moderation).  I am going through a fierce delicata squash phase (I like them cut into half moons and roasted with a little olive oil and kosher salt sprinkled on top).  Squash are packed full of vitamins and fiber, so there are definitely worse things I could be gorging on.

I also have been burping a lot, which is quite unusual for me.  Every single time I burp it catches me off guard.  I think “huh, that’s weird, I never burp.  WAIT, this is a pregnancy symptom! I AM having pregnancy symptoms!”  Then “I wonder if there’s any of that delicious squash leftover.”  That is my pregnancy thus far.

We have our first sonogram scheduled for next week when I am six weeks pregnant.  I am feeling exited and anxious, but mostly so very grateful to be here.  And I really encourage you to pick up some delicata squash the next time you’re at the farmer’s market.  I bet you can’t eat just one.